stop acting like vulnerability isn't a superpower
I have met so many people who’ve been conditioned to believe vulnerability portrays them as weak.
Starting this blog was a huge step towards me being more open. The fear of judgement and/or failure is almost incapacitating. Not only realizing but accepting that my feelings are valid has taken me further than I could’ve imagined. I was talking to my friend about how it is damn near impossible to want to share our deep personal feelings and “secrets” with the world through our art. Everyone is so opinionated whether they know you and your story or not. But then you can also look at that like: if everyone already has an opinion, why not speak your truth? Being afraid just means you care about what you’re doing or what you have to say and that’s a beautiful thing in itself.
With that being said, I believe that the fear of what people will think is part of why it’s important for us to share. It is too easy to get in our heads and believe we are SO different and have been through such rare hardships. We all see things differently because we only live our lives. Therefore, someone who has been in a similar situation could have coped differently or have a completely different perception than you. I used to lay in bed under my dark cloud, asking God why I had to go through all the things I’d been through. I even searched the internet for anyone who had gone through it too or anyone who also seriously considered suicide and wrote about it. Once I had finally found something, it did not even make me feel better. Yet I would do it again and again for years. Just searching to make a connection with anyone over similar experiences, searching for someone to alleviate that loneliness. Meanwhile I had people who loved me sitting right there just waiting on me to open up… But talking to people who knew me? That sounded horrifying so I preferred to sit in it. I couldn’t have seen it this way back then and I try to live without regrets since the past cannot be changed. But I do see clearly how alone I didn’t have to be.
I taught myself that we are capable of creating our own loneliness. Believing we are the only ones going through whatever it is, isolating ourselves, using my ex-favourite line “you don’t understand”. Even just being afraid of people getting too close for whatever reason. That ultimately makes us far more alone than we have to be. Imagine if we got rid of our pride and stopped being afraid to open up; the connections we could make!? You’d be in disbelief…and I only say this because I still am. Of course there’s the people who act like they got you, you may open up and all of a sudden their opinions of you switch up. It happens! They are just showing you their true self too so take that in and remember anyone who makes you feel small or invalid has no place in your life. It sucks when you find out but it’s better sooner than later. Usually it’s a them problem, not a you problem. I’m convinced people can’t accept something in themselves when they’re unwilling to accept anyone else for who they are. (Although sometimes they don’t even realize they’re making you feel that way, it’s worth a conversation.)
Now. Men and vulnerability... This time, we’re not about to get into this unstable relationship in this post. I need a full blog for this one. I cannot keep watching people tell little boys or even men to “toughen up” when they show raw emotions. Why start a young boys life with the belief that he should suffer in silence?
Why don’t we uplift rather than diminish? When our sons (for example) are crying why don’t we allow them to let it out and then create a conversation. Ask if they want to talk about what has them so upset, listen, be empathetic. By allowing anyone to express themselves and creating communication, you are teaching them vulnerability is okay while letting them know their feelings are valid. Those two things are game changers. With that they learn that it’s okay to feel their emotions, that they don’t need to create masks, that someone is willing to really hear them. If not, what habits do you think you’re creating? Where are they going to find an outlet for expression? Anger? Eventually they’ll have to create one and it’s likely it wont be in the healthiest way. But they won’t know any better! Let’s change that. I know I wrote this last part specifically but treat everyone with that same energy and watch what happens.
I want you to do something right now. Think of your closest relationship in this moment. Your best friend, your boyfriend/girlfriend, parent, sibling, WHOEVER. You show them the real you, no? You might vent and/or cry on their shoulder. You would never question or judge them if they needed to vent or cry on your shoulder. You may not have gone through the exact same things in life yet you always come through for each other however possible. You respect each others boundaries because you’ve learned where that line is. You may know some of their triggers based off their past and they know yours... Vulnerability. You have broken down the wall you’d built up over the years. Once you break that wall down, you aren't only exposing yourself or your secrets or your hard truths to swallow… There is something bigger happening here that you may not even see. You broke the wall down and you could actually let that love in. You are accepting their acceptance of you. You are allowing someone to give you the most authentic love that they can in that moment. THAT is what brought you so close to that person; you both created an understanding by being open.
My goal is to help you see vulnerability as a strength rather than weakness. Not only to create those relationships with others but to reach a point you are accepting of yourself in your entirety. When you open yourself up to the world, the world opens up for you.
One of my favourite authors, Malanda Jean-Claude, wrote some beautiful words about vulnerability that I HAVE to share:
“we shift the energy of fear when we confront ourselves with truth, total nakedness, and I’ve yet to find anything more liberating next to love than vulnerability. with exposure there is potential harm, but in transparency there is safety too.. we must lose the connotation of exposure as weak”
This quote is from his book, “Because Of A Woman". It is amazing as is he and I 10/10 would recommend getting into his work.
Thank you for taking the time and reading my post. I appreciate you and I hope that you got something out of this. If not, I’ll try again next time. Leave a comment below if you have anything to add or disagree with, I appreciate all feedback. Hit the like button if you enjoyed my post and stay tuned <3